You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
