yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
