I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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