somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
