I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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