Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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