I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
