i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
