I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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