so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
