the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
