My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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