the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
