I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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