to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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