just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
