The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize