I'm so fucking centered right now
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
