So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You smell like stripper and shame
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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