literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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