Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
bring money and cleavage
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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