winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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