We need to rekindle our bromance
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
