Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize