it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
me + whiskey = a bad person
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
