Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
