hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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