she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
