So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He passed out mid-signature
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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