This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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