i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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