i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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