My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
