Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you made out with another girl for some wings
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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