If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
