I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
