As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Say something about gay babies.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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