While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
