took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
