How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
