I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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