My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
