we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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