Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
