dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
