I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
