She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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