I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
