i permit you to call me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
