Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
