Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
