if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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