Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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