dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
