i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
