$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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