alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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