My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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