Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
