Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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