I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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