Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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