I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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