she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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