I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
