Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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