other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize