On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
