Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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