I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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