I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
