I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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