it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
