I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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