We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You have to summon your inner elephant
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
