Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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