is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
