So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
