This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I look better un-naked...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
