Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
