I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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