And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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