i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
