This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
