just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize