dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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