woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize