Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
