yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
