OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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