By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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