I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
