when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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