Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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