I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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