New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
