i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
